Wrenches and Waiting

This is another post from an older blog I kept as Summer and I prepared to adopt our daughter, Sophie. (Originally published August 7, 2006

Routine. I cling to my routine as of late (i.e., sleep, wake, wash, work, dogs, wife, xbox 360…that is my new wife, “Oblivia,” sleep some more, repeat) and it is that routine that keeps me patient…oh, lets be honest it is how I make it through each seemingly endless day. Yet my patience is a thin veneer covering my bundled excitement and unbearable anticipation. Routine, right! I was coping with this in-between times waiting stuff quite well (again, new wife “Oblivia” helps) until Summer goes and throws a 2 year-old wrench in it! What? OK, we had a lovely dinner party (wow, I sound so Jr. League…quick I must purge… “fight the power” …”down with the man”…there…I feel better) this past Saturday (08/05/06) for some people she works with who are or have adopted a child. 2 year old wrench, right back to the topic. One family had adopted a Chinese girl (the aforementioned 2-year old wrench…though no disrespect to the lovely Miss Princess Zola…hope I spelled her name right…who is a wonderful and delightful girl). Anyway, Summer welcomed this family into our home, they arrived first, and I’m in the back of the house. I walk into my kitchen and there is the wrench in my kitchen. She is Chinese, 2 years old, beautiful…and she wrenched my heart in the best way imaginable right out of my chest into my throat. Thank goodness it was wrenched into my throat so I was unable to say, “Sophie?” That moment, it had the same feel as when I was a kid and I would round the corner in our kitchen on Christmas Morning going into the dining room to see what Santa had left. I can’t describe the feeling, that is why I offer the illustration…that way if you’ve felt that you can imagine something of what I felt last Saturday. My routine, to say the least, is no longer enough.

I also started thinking what would I do when I first found out, “hey you got a little…” I will kneel, no choice in the matter really, because the weight of joy is great and pushes even the most powerful men to their knees. I will kneel because humility is a burden that even Atlas couldn’t bear…the humility that comes with realizing that now in this world there is someone that I exist for… I will kneel and say thank you for the most beautiful gift… I now am starting to get that whole “wait until you have kids of your own” line…I am feeling things that I am certain one only feels when they have kids of their own.